Relational body image (that’s what I’m calling it) is such a strange thing. I mean, I suppose the concept isn’t that strange, but the experience itself is. My body image is, okay. It’s not great. I’m working on changing my image of it as well as improving my overall health. At home, I often see lumps and rolls and an overweight body. (Technically, I’m overweight for my height anyhow). This past weekend I had a girls weekend with one of my best friends. We stayed in a hotel in town, just the two of us. CHILD FREE. It was GLORIOUS. I don’t think I can emphasize that word enough. We slept. We stayed in bed and watched tv. We drank wine. We got pedicures. We did whatever the heck we wanted. It was so freaking phenomenal. We’re definitely doing it again. Anyway, my friend is very overweight. (She probably would need to lose 100 pounds). Anyway, what I mean by relational body image is that after a day being around her, I started looking in the mirror and seeing this completely different body. I felt fit. I felt good about myself. I felt like I looked like a normal healthy person. I actually found myself feeling shocked at the appearance of my body. Had my body changed from Friday to Saturday? No. The contrast perhaps from her body to my body- created this completely different view. As soon as I went home though for a day, it was like my brain reverted back.
Next week we leave for Belize for a family wedding. Lots of time on the beach. I am trying to have an #effYourBeautyStandards attitude. I love the movement. I’m bringing my rolls and cellulite with me and I am going to have a god damn good time on the beach and not be worried about what anyone things. How sad is that to miss out on truly experiencing every part of an incredible vacation because I’m worried about the size of my thigh? That’s ridiculous. I don’t want to be a part of that. I’m refusing to be a part of that. I’m going to enjoy my daughter. I’m going to live fully and completely. I will work on looking in the mirror and saying “I love you” to myself, and thanking my body for its health and all it does for me on a daily basis.