What’s next?

Yesterday Adam and I “celebrated” 10 years since we first met. We met on Labor Day 10 years ago. We sent Lamb to spend some time with her grandma and Adam and I went out to eat. It wasn’t super celebratory, but we did take a slow motion video of me drinking a beer. Does that count? A really good beer, a milk stout.

We’re a little stressed right now. Early last week Adam’s work told him they were giving him two weeks notice until he is no longer a full time employee. His old boss left (guy who started the company) a few weeks back, and took one of their big contracts with him, so the company doesn’t have enough money to keep Adam. They are giving him 5 weeks severance pay and all his unused vacation. Adam said he was wanting a new job anyway but this definitely puts on the pressure.

Adam is in the tech world and so should have a good chance of getting a job, it’s just a matter of getting the right job, and one where he can primarily work from home and work nights. That is slightly more challenging.

There is another city about 3 hours away that has a huge booming tech business so he could easily get a job there. But that would mean moving our entire family. The part of me that “loves drastic change” (for some reason I like clean slates sometimes) is enticed by that. But I don’t think Adam wants to sell the house and have me find a new job and of course we have THREE sets of grandparents here that babysit at the drop of a dime… that would be really really hard to give up. Especially if we ever wanted a second child.

I finally brought up that topic yesterday, the one of second children. Adam doesn’t like thinking about the future. I sadly spend a lot of my time thinking about the future. Anyway, I suggested that maybe come the new year we start trying for a second kid. Surprisingly, he agreed or at least didn’t fight the idea.

I want Lamb to have a sibling, if possible. But I am also scared of losing my own identity. Right now I can still manage to squeeze in some time to go to the gym. In fact, I just joined jazzercise. Yes you heard that right, jazzercise. I also want to do some part time photography work and other hobbies. I still can hold on to part of me. With two kids, I’m not sure how possible that is. That’s why three kids is totally out of the question, for a lot of reasons. I would have no identity anymore. None. Not until they go to college. That’s a long time to wait.

Last night I was up peeing in the middle of the night and my stomach was hurting (too much greasy food) and I just suddenly was like.. OH GOD, what if I was pregnant. It was that uneasy tummy that reminded me and the getting up to pee and then all the memories of newborns and my life in the midst of Hell came flooding back and I was just like, oh godddddddddddddd I don’t know if I can do it again!!!!!!!! Of course, I know it’s a total luxury to even have that as an option (to have a second kid). But anyway, life, it’s complicated.


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