So the first three days were crazy heavy and then all of the sudden nothing. Not even spotting. For 3 days, totally dry creak. And then tonight, boom the red river starts to flow again. Weird. Oh well. I am sure it’s just all the insanity of my body adjusting.
My daughter is so clingy. SO CLINGY. I mean, she always has been. It’s not like this is anything new, it just changes in the way in which she is clingy. I feel desperate for a one story house because everywhere I go, she has to go. And if I run downstairs (we live in a 3 story townhouse) to grab the thing that she’s begging for (a certain toy, or her lovie, or anything), she FLIPS the hell out and is like on the floor in a full blown tantrum panic if I don’t wait and allow her to come with me. She requests multiple times a day to “cuddle” on the couch with me, which is great and all, I like to cuddle but she is never still and she’s climbing all over me like a mad woman, and I can’t get ANYTHING done. Nothing. I feel chained to the couch. Like I had 4 loads of laundry to do and it was just like working in an insane asylum today. My husband doesn’t have any of these problems. It’s not that she isn’t totally obsessed with him, she is. She loves him to pieces. He plays with her and she throws parties for him whenever he gets home. But he’s not mom. So he doesn’t ever deal with the clinginess and the inability to do one freaking thing.
And I guess my frustration then comes less from my daughter, but more about my spouse who has HOURS AND HOURS alone at home without my daughter yet recently more and more he seems to do nothing around the house. Like ,just flipping vacuum already?! And the thing is, the mess drives him crazy. It’s not like he is a messy person. He’s way cleaner than I am. He used to do all the cleaning (almost) before we had kids. But I feel like he just gave up. But I physically cannot get anything done, whereas he has the freedom to do so. So I get so annoyed when I come home after being out with Lamb for hours at a time and he’s just been home all by himself and he’s working on his freaking bike. The only break I ever get away from her is when she goes to sleep (or I am away at work) and I am just so tired I can’t even do anything.
I guess we need to have a chat.
Will my daughter ever be happy just playing by herself in the living room? And I don’t mean by herself, I just mean, letting me put the dishes away while I talk to her but just am not physically TOUCHING her like she would prefer to be 24/7.
I always remind myself one day she will want nothing to do with me. I know. I know I know I know I know. I will look back on these posts and sob and say YOU IDIOT. I do try to take advantage of the cuddles and snuggles and being needed. I do. I just can’t help but feel the weight of everything else pulling at me sometimes. Oh motherhood.