I always ask myself, why do I do this to myself? What is it with me and always wanting to be busy and doing things? Why can’t I just be satisfied with going to work and having my evenings and weekends free? I always need more. I always need passion and inspiration. I feel the need for growth but I think I go overboard.
Case in point. Things going on in my life right now:
Mother of a almost 3 year old
We have a house, no maid. So my husband and I try to keep up with that ourselves.
Work 30 hours a week.
Drop off my child at daycare daily, sometimes pick her up.
Attend jazzercise works 2-3 times per week. By the way, my foot is messed up so…… I’m also attending physical therapy appointments 1-2 times a week to fix that and doing my stretches and exercises at home.
Photography. Well the last few weeks have been bluebonnet season so done 18 sessions (some are 15 minutes long). But that’s over 1,500 photos taken that I have to sort through, decide which ones to edit, and get done for my clients. People are still contacting me for future sessions. I already have 2 more regular sessions booked this month.I have been editing for almost an hour every single day, if not closer to 2-3 hours in the last few weeks alone.
Getting a private practice started up in counseling. My good friend jumped in and is doing her private practice. She’s trying to work me in. This means getting everything set up for that. That means getting a business model, malpractice insurance, leasing the space at her office, working with her to completely design a website, I’m going to take her head shots, try to get my head shots, work up a practice niche along with blog post writing about it, etc. It’s a HUGE venture. No idea how that’s going to go but hey, gotta start somewhere.
And occasionally do some volunteer work stuff for a local feral cat rescue program.
Not to mention being a friend, and family member and visiting family on a regular basis.
Ohhhhhhhhh yeah…. and trying to conceive for kid #2. How’s that going you ask? Well we opted against the last few weeks. We decided chancing a December 22nd baby was just not cool with us. It was a bit of a let down for me. I’d been prepping myself mentally for “this might be the month” and then it was like we pulled back last minute. And it was weird too, on cycle day 14 I bled. I actually had some spotting, spotting for a several days. I read ovulation spotting can be normal. But I’ve never ever ever ever ever ever experienced that. It was CRAZY. Like, I had to put in a lite tampon. What the heck?! That just blew my mind.
So, I feel like a shitty mom. I know I am over committed. It’s clear. I’m torn in a thousand places. But I think what I’m trying to is get OUT of working an agency job so that I have more control and flexibility in my life. I don’t know if photography will work out in the long term part time (certainly booming now, I clearly need to raise prices =P) or if private practice will work out in the long term. Could be a bust but I’ve got to try something. I can’t be doing a 9-5 for the next 20 years. It’s just not going to work.
So I’m exhausted. And what’s suffering the most right now? The laundry. Piles of it. It’s horrible. Clean laundry that has been waiting to be put away sooo long that now it basically needs to be washed again. My husband STILL doesn’t have a job so it’s not like we have lots of extra income to be getting help with that. I refuse to stay up until midnight each night so, the house is suffering. It’s a mess. It’s just crazy. I need to take some days of work to just regroup. Never enough hours in the day!