Dragging – 5 weeks

Today I am dragging. The hubs had to wake me up this morning when our daughter was apparently at our bedroom door. She’s finally in the “I think I’ll just come find you” phase instead of calling for us from her bed. Yeah, we’ve crossed that threshold. I had wondered at what point you stop putting a monitor in their room. I mean, it will be at least another year for that. But I can see how that transition might happen.

I’m so tired (thank you hormones) and I am also starting to work toward quitting caffeine. Except today I didn’t. I had my regular cup of coffee. I am almost out of my K-cups so I’m going that route. Tomorrow I will go down in size on the coffee and I also bought some chia black tea, which has between 25-40 mg of caffeine. I’m doing the step down program. Little by little until I get to barely anything.

I’m so worried about miscarriage. Not that there is anything I can do about it. It’s just like, in the last week, I have known or spent time with people who have all had miscarriages at 8 weeks. Well, meaning that when they went in for their 8 week appointment, the baby hadn’t developed/had no heartbeat, etc. So I’m just like UGH. Funny how the brain focuses on the next big possible problem. If the ultrasound is good in 3.5 weeks then I’m sure I’ll be focused on the genetic testing. Not that any of that is in my control at all.

Since I do have a 3 year old and my life is pretty damn busy with a ton of things it does make it easier not to think about it/obsess over it. I try to just allow myself a few minutes each day to really focus on it and then move on.

My boobs hurt like crazy. My daughter kicked me lightly in the chest today when I was tickling her and I thought I might pass out. I need a metal cage around them to protect them. They are already heavy and thick. Second time pregnancy, what kind of watermelons might they become.

On a random note I got a message from one of my friends (not a close friend but we did just stay with her and her husband in Colorado). I’ve met her mom a few times at some of her parties.

Friend: So, my mom just asked me if you were pregnant. Which is weird bc, no offense, we don’t really talk about you 🙂 She’s been known to be a little psychic. Maybe time to test 🙂

Me: lol! yes almost 5 weeks

Friend: What?!?!?

Me: Does she know if the pregnancy will stick?! Ask her that

Friend: Congrats! I’ll ask :p  It’s funny she usually knows when someone is pregnant, or going to die (shit for the morbidity)

So that was funny. Also my daughter has been non-stop talking about me having a baby in my tummy. We have not talked about it AT ALL around her. Although my husband’s step sister is about to give birth, so the idea of babies in people’s tummies in something she is familiar with. The husband even told me she told him I had a baby in my tummy about a week or so ago and he thought I had said something to her. Nope. Definitely not. Yesterday and today she has been saying “one day when I get bigger you will have a baby in your tummy and I will be a big sister.” She’s obsessed. So hopefully that’s a good sign. I really really want this to work out so I can inform her of the good news.





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